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Spit Fire (Reading at the Hill​-​Stead Museum)

by Julia Alexander

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1.
I woke up wanting to kiss you, You woke up wanting to make coffee. Sitting on the edge of our bed your spine creaked like all the rotting floorboards we walked over every day. I try to make it better, but I am trying to cure a disease of your mind with only my two hands. There is nothing I can do to make this better. There is nothing I can do to make you better. I still remember the way your lighthouse heart used to show me the way home every night, but I’m afraid that we’ve ruined everything we’ve ever touched because my ships just aren’t sailing anymore. So you make your coffee. I lie back and rest my head on the cool pillow. By the time you come back I am already asleep. You curl up next to me whispering about how coffee has always made you tired and even with all that caffeine rushing in your veins, you fall asleep again too. I wake up wanting to kiss you. You wake up wanting more coffee.
2.
Growing up, I had the only dad that could sew circles around all my friends’ moms. Anytime I needed something fixed, I would put it in front of the sewing machine. He’d put on his big reading glasses, sit down, and work his tree-trunk hands across whatever I had ruined this time. He’d fix holes in my blankets. He’d re-stuff my favorite stuffed animals. He’d fix the frayed cuffs of my jeans. Anytime I had loved something a little too hard, he’d be there to make it just like new again. But, at some point stuffed animals and blankets turned into floral dresses and mini-skirts and the pile of clothes in front of the sewing machine stacked up way too high. Our house was bursting at the seams, and my dad couldn’t fix all the holes because they stopped being made from loving too hard. I was just playing with shears, and then waiting for someone to sew us back together. Today, I brought him a broken zipper. Let’s just bring this one to the tailor, He said.
3.
You were born with an umbilical cord wrapped tightly around your neck right on top of the graves of our fathers. Your first gasp of air smelled like death and roses, overwhelmingly sweet, undeniably bitter. But after all these years you still hold your breath when we take a moment of silence for all of your wasted potential. You savor that regret as if it were the tide. You let it crash over you again and again. It’s about time you opened up your lungs to the salty air. Now you have to let the pain of all we’ve done seep into your every pore, and it hurts, and you’ll choke, but you’ll know it’s the right thing. You’ll know we did the right thing.

about

reading at the Hill-Stead Museum for the Fresh Voices Poetry Competition

credits

released April 19, 2013

thank you for having me it was a blast

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all rights reserved

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about

Julia Alexander Connecticut

I'm a part time poet and a full time cry baby. If you get too close to me, I'll write a really emotionally confusing poem about you. It'll be exhausting for both of us.

To contact Julia for inquires of all sorts e-mail juliaalexanderpoetry@gmail.com
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