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House of Cards

from Accepting the Facts by Julia Alexander

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about

sorry about everything

lyrics

We sit on the floor of your basement
and stack cards into mansions.
Carefully building them up,
we are meticulous architects
until the sweeping of an arm or a heavy breath
sends them fluttering back to the carpet.
We mourn our losses quickly.
We do not focus on the dead for too long
before setting construction sites on their graves.

But, I am not always sure we can keep building.
On the night I told you to go to hell
a part of me expected you to say
you were already there.
I braced for impact in the passenger seat of your car.
My knuckles turned white while I waited
for a careless hand to brush against us too hard.
My mind was made up that we ought to cut our losses
and make an amputation before the infection
is given a chance to spread.
You are silent.
You will not waste your breath.
You will not waste your breath.
You will not waste your breath trying to change
prophecies I carved into stone.
You become a broken record.
You will not waste your breath.
You will not waste your breath.
Broken record, broken record, broken prophesies I carved records into stone.
I will not waste broken prophecies.
You will breathe carved into stone.
I am a waste of your breath.

When you turned to leave that night
I realized that every word I’ve ever written has been about you.
Even before we met, every line was screaming your name.
They were just speaking a language I didn’t yet understand.

That night I dreamt your breath was a rosary
and I prayed on every bead for forgiveness
for a crime I never would commit
to a god I do not believe in.
I still cannot decide if this was a nightmare.
I woke up alone, but for some reason
a part of me expected you to be there.
This makes me wonder what it would feel like
to wake up knowing you would never be back.
I still cannot if this was a nightmare.

You eventually come back.
We cut our losses and try to not forget them
as we set up blueprints for new houses.
We are coming to accept that building
on bad foundations has gotten us nowhere.

credits

from Accepting the Facts, released November 1, 2013

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about

Julia Alexander Connecticut

I'm a part time poet and a full time cry baby. If you get too close to me, I'll write a really emotionally confusing poem about you. It'll be exhausting for both of us.

To contact Julia for inquires of all sorts e-mail juliaalexanderpoetry@gmail.com
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