I Spent More Time in the Shower at RIC Than I Did in Class- (taken from A Collection of Bruises I Cannot Show Off)

from Selected Chapbook Poems by Julia Alexander

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lyrics

I Spent More Time In the Shower At RIC Than I Did In Class
I spent half a semester in college.

I studied the way a girl can turn
into a rabid dog when she is trapped.
I was chained to a fence and scratching at fleas.
I allowed myself to destroy another
person’s life just because I was caged
and she was different,
and she was an easy target.
I spread this infection purposefully,
and I could never apologize enough,
so I have not apologized at all.

I studied the way a girl can unravel
when her problems are never fixed.
I let old wounds fester. Nothing
ever healed right. I let myself scratch
the scars wide open. I spent more time
getting high in Browne Hall than I did
in class. I am not proud of that.
I spent more time crying
in the shower than I did
in class. I am not proud of that.
I did not ask for help because
I did not know that I was sick.

I studied the way a girl can look
at the house she grew up in so
differently when she is no longer allowed
to sleep there. I made myself stay
away from here for long enough
to know that the best way to say
“home” is with tears streaming down
your cheeks, is with your whole body shaking,
is with longing, is with your father’s arms
wrapped around your shoulders.

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from Selected Chapbook Poems, released June 5, 2014

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about

Julia Alexander Connecticut

I'm a part time poet and a full time cry baby. If you get too close to me, I'll write a really emotionally confusing poem about you. It'll be exhausting for both of us.

To contact Julia for inquires of all sorts e-mail juliaalexanderpoetry@gmail.com ... more

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