Spring Awakening

by Julia Alexander

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(March 30, 2013)


I finally admitted to myself that I really like you
as I fell asleep under streetlights, driving home in your car.
But still I tried to tell myself that this can’t be true.
You have the heart of a blue jay and a nest
that’s just too far away from mine.
I didn’t think I could bring myself to cage you.
But I sure hope I can bring myself to fly with you.
Our first kiss tasted like chocolate,
sweaty palms, a pool table, and punk rock.
Everything about that night was
a total disaster. We were yelling and thrashing
and throwing punches in a crowd of strangers
and when your lips came crashing into mine,
I found god in the spaces between your teeth.
I was shocked that a sinner could
want to spend that much time
in church.

We get lost just about every time
we go somewhere.
You can never seem to get the directions quite right
but I don’t mind
because you can’t promise me that
we’ll get there on our first try
but you always promise me that
we will get there eventually.
You have never let me down before
please don’t start now.

Maybe this isn’t going to last forever
but I think we have to try because
ever since I met you
I don’t just sing in the shower anymore.
I have rock concerts.
I have lions in my veins wreaking havoc on my life
because when you’re here
I can’t be the lion tamer anymore.
But more importantly, I don’t
want to be the lion tamer anymore.
The best parts of me run wild when
you are around.
I put out empty jars to try and collect
all of the beautiful things you say to me
like the rain water dripping off the porch,
I sleep with your sweatshirt wrapped
around my pillow in the hopes
of dreaming that you’re here again.
But I only ever dream up lines to songs
I’ll never be able to put music to.
This is one of those songs.
This is not a love poem.
This is an I-really-fucking-like-you poem.
And I am so sorry if that is too much
too soon for you.

Holding your hand as I was drifting off
to sleep that night I think I tried telling you that
I was falling for you and I listened to you
breathing as we passed under streetlight after streetlight
just praying you would say it first.
It feels like we will never have the courage to
jump off that cliff.

But maybe, maybe it takes more courage to climb
up that cliff.
You are still a few paces ahead of me.
I am wheezing and falling behind but
I promise that I will catch up to you soon.
I cannot promise you that I will
get there on my first try.
But I promise you I will
get there eventually.
I have never let you down before.
Why would I start now?


released April 12, 2013
(thank you for being amazing. thank you for paying for dinner. thank you for getting lost with me. thank you for holding my hand.)



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Julia Alexander Connecticut

I'm a part time poet and a full time cry baby. If you get too close to me, I'll write a really emotionally confusing poem about you. It'll be exhausting for both of us.

To contact Julia for inquires of all sorts e-mail juliaalexanderpoetry@gmail.com
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