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Womanhood (Whatever That Means) - (taken from TO BE A FLY ON THE WALL)

from Selected Chapbook Poems by Julia Alexander

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WOMANHOOD (WHATEVER THAT MEANS)
1. I sit on the chair we dragged
into the bathroom and look in the mirror.
I watch thin fingers
try to brush out my rat’s-nest.
Thin lips ask why I
don’t keep it clean.
She cuts out chunks that are too
far gone to be bothered with.
I watch wisps of blonde hair
fall to the floor without saying a word.
2. Learn to hate the places
my body chooses to protect
with hair.
Learn which hair is clean
and which hair is dirty.
learn to hate the hair.
learn to hate the body.
3. Drink bottles of water
until my stomach becomes the
ocean I am drowning in.
4. Sit up straight.
Sit up straight.
Push your chest out.
5. I ask him to wrap his
boney fingers around my mouth
so that I am not tempted
to ask him to stop.
6. I slide myself between
a set of dirty sheets
and a heavy body.
Pretend to like this.
Pretend to be sexy.
Pretend to feel fine about this.
7. I bite my nails until they are bloody,
until I can no longer use them
to try to scratch my way
out of this coffin called Skin.
8. Fold your arms across your chest.
Do not speak.
Look at the ground.
Make yourself small.
Become the empty space.
9. Skin reddens as his fingernails
push deeper into flesh.
I don’t think it is supposed to
be like this.
Hold back tears.
No one wants to see you cry.
10. Run my own fingers
through my hair and wonder
how it ever got this tangled,
wonder how I will ever get the
knots
out.

credits

from Selected Chapbook Poems, released June 5, 2014

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Julia Alexander Connecticut

I'm a part time poet and a full time cry baby. If you get too close to me, I'll write a really emotionally confusing poem about you. It'll be exhausting for both of us.

To contact Julia for inquires of all sorts e-mail juliaalexanderpoetry@gmail.com
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